Abby H’s Pregnancy Blog: Relationships

How People and Relationships Change

Weeks 4-29

Due Date: April 13, 2015

Weight Gain: +10 lbs from the 1st trimester!

When I first found out I was pregnant I knew my social life would change.  I knew that I wasn’t going to want to go out every weekend and stay up until the wee hours of the morning anymore. What I didn’t realize was how the actual relationships between me and my friends was going to either get stronger or disappear entirely. People I considered my close friends, no longer speak to me. I’m not exactly sure why. It may be because I’m not as much fun anymore because I can’t drink and honestly realized that I don’t want to be around everything that goes with it anymore. Or if it is just because they don’t know how to feel or what to do.

I used to hang out with the father of my child and my friends every single weekend. It was like a ritual to head over to their place when I got off work on a Friday and spend most of the weekend if not the whole weekend with them. Then I found out I was pregnant and things started to change. Other people started entering the picture, and I felt like I was getting pushed out. I mean there is literally a picture where I am just kind of pushed to the side. Slowly phone calls stopped coming and I just wasn’t even invited to anything. No one asked how I was doing or how the baby was doing anymore. To say the least it was/is really hurtful. I understand it is weird for them to be somewhat in the middle of things because they actually live with the father of my child and we don’t always get along now.  It just makes me sad that I don’t have any friends that I can actually go see anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I have friends and a wonderful family. They just happen to live in Kansas. My best friend and I try to stay in contact as much as possible. We are always there for each other when one of us needs to vent about the ridiculousness we call our lives. She had a child 5 years ago and I was there for her most of the way. When I look back now I realize I wasn’t the kind of friend I should have been. Although, I still made sure she knew I loved her and would do anything for her. We had a small falling out in the middle of her pregnancy but things came back together around the end. She has been like a rock for me during my pregnancy and I can’t thank her enough for that.

My family has done everything they can to be supportive and helpful through this very stressful time. My mother and sister also live in Kansas and it has been very hard to be so far away from them. I know it kills my mom not to be here and be involved in every aspect of my pregnancy. I wish I wasn’t so far away. Her and my sister both allow me to vent and be an emotional mess over the phone and still somehow give me great advice. Like stop worrying about the things I can’t change and don’t sweat the small stuff. General advice everyone needs to hear at one point or another but still very effective. My sister has gone through similar experiences with her pregnancy and can give me insight on what is ahead. It is difficult to hear sometimes but I need to listen with an open mind. I know I would be even crazier if I didn’t have them.

My father and stepmother have also been very supportive through this whole process. Granted it hasn’t been the easiest. I am currently living with them, because I need to save money and Denver is a very expensive place to try to live on your own. We have had our arguments and complete blowouts, but I am still very thankful for everything they are doing for me. Allowing me a place to live and trying to help me prepare for the baby. My attitude is the worst at times but they seem to put up with it for the most part. I feel horrible that I can’t always express my gratitude the way I would like. I just hope that they know I love them and I am very thankful.

It has been rough trying to get on the same page with the father of my child. We used to hang out and be pretty good “friends” for about 2 years. Then I got pregnant and things changed. We started resenting each other. He was mad at me for wanting the baby and I was mad at him for not growing up and raising himself to the challenge. At the beginning we tried to speak at least once a week and try to get a handle on things. Now it has become about once a month. It has become very hard to have a positive outlook on things. I still haven’t met his parents and there is only 70-some days left in my pregnancy if everything goes to schedule. It’s hurtful to think that they have no interest in their first grandchild. I don’t know how to try to fix our relationship anymore. I have tried being nice and now have just given up. I hope once the baby gets here we will put our differences aside and come together as a “family”. Here’s to hoping.

 

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